Home[o]stasis

Well, I bet you never thought I’d make a science joke… Anndd its ironically the opposite of how I feel.

Homeostasis is a natural chemical which enables the body to change and adapt to the outside world. We’ve all managed nearly a year of a complete change to our daily lives. Lockdowns, testings and although on a more positive note, vaccines, it doesn’t take away the ache in my body to get out and DO something.

In the UK, we’re on Lockdown no.3 and when I tell you it’s the worst one out of them all. Believe me it is. In the first lockdown it was brilliant. It was sunny, I was still doing bits and bobs with college, I was online tutoring and writing a lot. I found it so energetic and helpful, I completed nearly all of my projects that I had intended to do and by the time I could reach for another hand sanitizer bottle, we were in September. I started uni, it was great to challenge my brain again and work on assignments every week.

In the second ‘lockdown’ (although it wasn’t really a proper one) I was fine! I was still working and getting out of the house and I enjoyed the walks on reasonably good days.

As soon as Christmas ended and we were placed in the third lockdown, the weather is cold, it rains, it snows and my spirit from the first lockdown has completely evaporated. I despise zoom calls, as much as they are helpful, I have no motivation or any concentration span to actually do anything and I miss my friends dearly.

There is definitely a different mood, before I was astonished that I was a part of global history, that one day our lives will be studied by history students like me. Now I just want to go to sleep and wake up when its all over. I’m sure I’m not the only one, to be prevented from living our lives out like normal humans, no matter what age is hard. Some definitely have it harder than I do and I know I’m lucky, but it doesn’t take away the fact that I am trapped in my bedroom. I say bedroom, but it’s more like my study, my library, my gym, my bar, and my therapy room. All I want to do is to sit in a library and study, or sit in a cafe with my best friend, have a cup of tea and put the world to rights, or sit in a crowded theatre to watch a musical.

It’s the simplest of things that bring us joy and I long for them to come back. Everyday we wake up to more sad news, and my heart goes out to the millions of friends and families who have lost loved ones from this virus.

If you ever feel overwhelmed, or want to chat, my inbox is open. Please seek help and don’t suffer in silence. We all need each other.

– Henna